Adventures in Finding a Relationship: A Tale of One Introvert

Okay something is definitely up. Ever since I went home for New Year's, I have been behaving quite out of character. It could be some sort of New Year's Resolution or it could just be I was tired of being alone. I spent the last semester taking some real stock on myself as a person: did I feel complete? was there something else I wanted to do? were there things that I missed about myself? who are my friends and what kind of relationships do I want? Just the usual self-reflection.

So I started on New Year's Day doing something I thought I would never do and I do mean never. Because of my personality (that INFP), I am not out on the prowl trying to find a girlfriend. In fact, I loathe bars and dance establishments and avoid them like the plague. So what did I end up doing to myself. Well I joined (or should I say was strongly encouraged to get my social life in gear) an on-line dating site where you post the kind of girl you want to meet. One of my already-in-a-relationship female friends bluntly told me she was tired of seeing me in my books and all alone.

So now I am looking at the posts, and I was quite shocked. The mix of girls/women (look I am not going to get into a feminist argument right now about the use of these words) was astonishing - freaks, shy, bold, slutty, sincere, compassionate, outdoor types, etc. And there is this whole new lingo I had to learn like LTR, NSA, and DDF. There are of course the spy bots and spam producers out there. I myself fell pray to this by not trusting my instincts. I won't do that again.

But wait, it didn't end there. I actually got some replies back and a picture. Talk about getting butterflies in your stomach. I wasn't really sure if this whole thing was real, but it was weird for a change to be making connections in a way I had never before. I am definitely not the one in the center of the room trying to grab attention. Hitting on a girl is not one of the skills that I would call mastered. Yeah you would have better luck with words like virgin, naive, or newbie. Now I am not a submissive type as many of my friends can attest, but I have always liked a girl who wanted a partner rather than a superior. She needs to feel okay making the first move on something or will both stand still.

There is more to come as I relay my adventures in MySpace. Apparently one of the replies I got asked for this, and I had been avoiding that system for some time. She was shocked that I didn't have one so I said WTF. Tell you about it soon...

INFP, Stereotypes, and the Prejudice of One Woman

If there is a single word that defines this type, it is idealist. As Introverted Feelers, they discover their ideals through a subjective interpretation of the world, and put those ideals to use to help others in a variety of ways. They are often the "Joans (or Johns) of Arc" who seek fulfillment through performing noble service to aid society. Of course there is the issue that male INFP's are not always viewed by ladies as very masculine guys.

Male INFPs can be seen by others as too gentle or even wimpy. The INFPs' generally passive, live-and-let-live exterior, however admirable, may lack the take-charge quality often associated with maleness - until they feel that their value system is threatened, that is. Then, the easygoing ways (of male and female INFPs alike can give way to harsh rigidity). For co-workers, friends, and mates who don't understand this characteristic, the INFP can seem, at best, a source of mixed signals - flexible one moment, rigid the next - and, at worst, a deep, complex, even somewhat melancholy person who is hard to understand.

So perhaps we do not fit into the stereotypical version of male that women sometimes develop. Now, if masculinity is broadened a little more, many INFPs could fit. We are committed to values of integrity, loyalty, a sense of honor, etc. We may not always be the strongest, hottest, most confident males out there, but we will always have the advantage in understanding others. Doesn't this trump stereotypical masculinity? So for the person whom this note was meant for (and she knows who she is) maybe the preconceived vision of a man you grew up with should be reevaluated.

Do You Believe in the MBTI?

Recently, I was reminded of the consequences of my Myers-Briggs Typology (INFP). Such things as conflict avoidance or lacking an objective, decisive attitude causes funny (or frustrating depending on the point of view) moments trying to decide where and what to eat, getting a project completed, or socializing.

Of course now I sort of did finish something. With obsessive compulsive zeal and a lack of rational thought, I just did something incredibly stupid. I am really starting to remember why I do the things I do. Too bad I have yet to get my parents to understand me much less some of my friends. Here is a great little summary I found:

"INFPs… vacillate between two primary desires. Some days, we are monks. We dig up our insides like gardens. We sit by ourselves on the porch and write. We leave parties early to be alone. Other days, we are explorers. We create new projects, foster new ideas. We busy ourselves with hard work. We want to change the world." - Deborah Good, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

I think I find it most frustrating to feel very intensely about specific people or things but fail to express it clearly (if at all). The great potential is the devotion and intense passion I can offer. My weakness is that my idealism makes me prone to dreams, fantasy and the occasional irrational thought. I think that is why I am attracted to TJ types. I think I will make a great husband and parent but a horrible manager or disciplinarian.